After the nosebleed stopped and I was able to process the concept, I snapped this picture. I’ll get back to you on how it tastes when I actually get the courage to eat it.

Enter the Dairy Queen Banana Split Blizzard. Delicious on its own, a banana split is the well-balanced combination of ice cream, bananas, and nummy toppings. It’s actually quite appealing to look at, and the blend of flavours is fantastic.

Stick in a blender and… not so much. This is the product of the unholy union of the Banana Split and the Blizzard.

When eaten the Synsepalum dulcificum (or Miracle Fruit, as it’s known colloquially) coats the tongue with an enzyme called “miraculin”. It has the singular effect of changing the way we perceive taste; bitter, sour, and strong tasting morsels become sweet. The fruit, from West Africa, found an instant market among the gastronomically curious. Tasting parties sprang up, with proprietors changing upwards of $20-$30 for entry; a single berry would be supplied per person, then the guests would be directed to a buffet of items to sample.

Fresh Miracle Berries are available online from mberry.us, but I was more curious about the mberry tablets that they were offering. The site mentions that each tablet is made up of the extract of 3 berries, they’re easier to ship and store, and costs come in a great deal lower than the raw fruit. It sounded like an interesting proposition so I ordered two packets.

They’ve just arrived, and the packages, at the very least, look quite professional. There’s a tasting guide and a sampler checklist included. With that, the flavour tripping shall begin! I’m going to work my way through each of the items on the check list, and I’ll report back here.

Rolling all the way up to the menu to the top you’ll find the pinnacle of Fatburger’s kingdom: the King Burger. It’s a half pound of beef in a patty with a slice of cheese, lettuce, onions, pickles, bacon, and sauces. It’s a hefty proposition.

So what happens when you tell them to double the meat? Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you: The Double King.

My god... it's full of stars.

That’s a full pound of beef with even more bacon. We’ve only ever seen one man order it, and we’ve only ever seen one man finish. The only guarantee you have when ordering the Double King is that a) you’ll be full when you’re done and b) you’re headed for a solid case of the meat sweats.

Nutritional information:

The King Burger weighs in at 850 calories with 41g of fat. By our nearest estimation, the Double King rings in at approximately 1100 calories and 60g of fat. Should you finish one you shall be indeed declared The Double King.

Taste Shrek's what?!

Nay, my friends, the McFlurry has been heralded as Ronald Triumphant, with diners adding the $2 treat to their McMeals (both happy and otherwise) by the bucket load. The agitated snack has been the front runner for McDonalds in hot summers, with fresh flavours driving customers through the doors. Seasonal fixin’s are trotted out for a limited time only before being locked away, again, in a Disneyesque vault.

Currently McDonalds is inviting you to experience the Shrek flurry, something I’m personally reticent to do. Whether it has something to do with being asked to consume (thanks Reddit!) a “mint ogre-load” remains to be seen, but let’s just says that Shrek looks a touch too happy in that promo. I’m sure the mint is delicious, but I’ll pass for the moment.

With the McFlurry you’re given plenty of options for toppings, they’re mixed in at high-speed into the soft-serve ice cream. With Oreo bits, Skor, Reeses Pieces, and Rolos to choose from, why on Earth would you mess with success?

Crimson Carnage ain't nobody's fool.

Because you can! Enter Crimson Carnage, a delicious treat that’s almost so obvious it’s shocking that you may not have tried it. It’s a two step process:

• Ask for a flurry
• Ask for the strawberry sundae sauce to be mixed in.

That’s it. No mess, no fuss. If you’re looking to take it to the next level, you can add in some Oreo bits for a sublime cookie taste, but don’t rush things. Start small and let your palate adjust to this tasty treat.

Nutritional Information:

The “ice milk” that McD’s makes its soft serve out of carries 370 calories for a small serving, with 11g of fat. Adding Strawberry sauce actually adds far fewer calories than any other flurry topping… and no fat!

End total: The Crimson Carnage (small) is 450 calories and 11g of fat.

• Order a Big Mac
• Ask for the burger patties to be replaced by McChicken patties. One McChicken patty per  burger patty.
• Due to the crispy nature of the patties, ask for a touch more Mac sauce.
• Think about asking for no pickles – they make the patties soggy and add an odd taste.
• Pay for it (you’ll look to pay roughly $2 more for the “upgraded” meat).
• Eat!

That’s it! Revel in the taste sensation that you’ve created with today’s What The Food?!

Nutritional information:

The Big Mac carries 540 calories and 29g of fat. 320 calories and 24g of fat are in the patties. Replacing them with the McChicken patties (190 calories each, 14g of fat) nets you a meal that’s higher in calories and lower in fat.

End total: The Big Cluck is 600 calories and 19g of fat.